Wa Yo Yogi

Leanne Kitteridge's adventures in Yoga

From Seeker to Finder October 24, 2011

Narita Temple, Japan

” Eventually as Seekers, we must become Finders”~ Paul Mueller- Ortega

I spent 4 days with Paul Mueller-Ortega in Montreal this month. I had known about Paul for many years through various yoga friends- most of them being Paul’s first students of Blue Throat Yoga. I decided that what emanated from these teachers is something I also wanted to embody so I signed up to meet Paul and become initiated in Neelakantha Meditation. I was worried that with certification going on, and then adding studying with Paul, I would be inundated but funny enough I was certified right before meeting him~ funny how the shakti works……

Paul gave a beautiful set of talks and practices over our 4 days together. He drops words like” profundity” as if he was saying “apple”~ amazing lecturer and one of the most intelligent beings I have ever met- yet incredible sweet and accessible. Nectar and fire most definitely. Though there were so many resonant teachings offered over the fours days one of the phrases that Paul said went off like a bell that has yet to stop ringing: – “Eventually , as Seekers, we must become Finders”. In my own thoughts I have pondered these words since I have returned.

So, what is a Seeker? A Seeker, in my my own words, is one who has questions- big questions. “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose?” ” How can I find happiness?” “Why do bad things happen to good people?” – there are a million others but you get the idea when I say big questions. In fact, I can actually say that just by reading my blog right now you are a Seeker. We all seek clarity, meaning, and understanding at some level and many of us go actually looking for it- you are probably one of them.

So, what is a Finder? Well I guess a Finder would be someone who as actually found an answer to at least one of their profound questions. How do we move then from Seeker to Finder? This is then the journey of practice…this is the journey of yoga~

If we follow the philosophies that inform Anusara Yoga, then we would say to find the answers, to become the Finder, we must do two things: recognize that the answers are actually inside of us ( Om namah shivaya gurave) and have a map, teacher or technique for the journey. I know that many realized beings have gone from Seeker to Finder without these things but for most of us we do need some help. ( or more specifically, I needed help). There are many maps and techniques to go from Seeker to Finder. Paul’s technique is meditation, Anusara Yoga’s technique is the UPA’s ( Universal Principles of Alignment), and there are many other tools, techniques, and teachers out there- all valid and all eventually taking us to where the answers can be found inside of us.

I taught this theme all week using the UPA’s. Patience as the heart theme with 1st principle- Set the Foundation and Open to Grace- as the main UPA to emphasize. So let’s go on the journey from Seeker to Finder through the UPA’s!

Set the Foundation and Open to Grace~

For any journey we set out on, we have to prepare. Setting our foundation is preparation for how, with what quality, we want to move forward on the path. Rather than being just a physical setting of the foundation it is an embodiment of saying ” I want to know- I want to become the Finder”. Opening to Grace then becomes the soft sweet opening of your connection to the realization that the journey is one of ongoing revelation. Passing through the layers of ourselves that block us from finding the answers that are right there inside. Invoking Grace in our journey allows her revelatory power to melt and dissolve the veils that hinder us from going deep inside- to the deepest connection of the heart where the Finder seeks answers. It is a journey of patience.

Muscle Energy~

As we draw in to the focal points with our outter gross body, we are also drawing deeper into the subtle body- adding our own desire to know, to understand ( iccha) to help to penetrate through the veils. How much do you hug in? As much as your desire to find the answers to these deep questions. We add our own efforts to the power of Grace.

Inner Spiral~

We move once again deeper into the back body- the place where Grace enters us from. We continue to harness her revelatory power as we continue deeper into the journey. We move slow and with great sensitivity as we travel together deep into our heart- the place where the answers reside.

Outter Spiral~

We had more fire and light to the journey as the ever more subtle layers we move through become more difficult to navigate. Our desire to Find once again reignites our heart as we root our tailbone.

Organic Energy~

Expanding out from the focal point in all directions- we create the optimal revelatory space for the answers to flow freely out of our hearts. As we breathe and continue to hug in and expand out on the exhales- we further clear the veils and the revelatory aspect of practice becomes fully embodied.

I found it interesting how easily the UPA’s fit this phrase. Sometimes, when I theme, it can be a difficult linking of thoughts, feeling and actions to make my theme and the physical class truly one but this was almost like the shakti just poured herself out over the paper. It shows how well these teachings from both John and Paul are developed as they dance together to make such a beautiful class.

I would have to say that I am still a Seeker- but I am also a Finder. If I look back over my 7 years with Anusara, I can honestly say I have found some of the answers to those profound questions I came to the practice with. I still have questions though~ how wonderful to have teachers, practices and techniques to help me reveal them.

“Seek, and ye shall find” – Matthew 7:7

 

Anusara Harmonic Recalibration Retreat in Maui/ May 2011 June 7, 2011

I purposely did not take my computer to this retreat…. so it could be a retreat. I have to say I felt a little guilty as I usually blog from every training but I really wanted time every night to just relax and absorb the teachings. What this makes for on another level then is a more reflective blog. So rather than from my usual ” in the trenches” mode of writing, this will have a little more of a sense of impressions…shadows and themes of the week as what was most potent hopefully rises to the surface.

First of all this was a crazy event to have happen. I had planned out my year to spend May 21st in Christchurch with the Merry Band for my birthday- first ever trip to New Zealand. I was sacrificing my yearly Japan training to do it but I have roots in NZ and thought why not. Well, we all know the terrible crisis that rocked through Christchurch; and the trip was cancelled. I thought about trying to make it for Japan training when tragically the Tohoku area of Japan was devastated. It seemed John’s tour was not going to go as planned this year. Suddenly Maui was revealed as a new venue for a training ; the shakti provided a beautiful alternate- on days I could travel!

The days were divided into morning talk and meditation, a breakfast break, morning practice, long lunch break, and afternoon talk- 7am to 7pm for 5 days. I have to say it was one of my favorite schedules. We did not get in the usual two asana practices a day as we do during most trainings, but the practices we did do were full on.

Day one started with an introduction to the theme of the week: Harmonic Recalibration. I laugh as I write this because I am not honestly sure if it was calibration or recalibration but really- you get the point. Everything in the world is vibrating- Yantras and sacred geometry are forms of this greater vibration. Mantra is sound as vibration. We started with the most familiar sound to us- the invocation. John explained that OM as the form A*U*M represents the “A” as the first sound of most languages- the first sound in Sanskrit and “U” is the 16th and final sound in Sanskrit. The alphabet itself contains vowels and consonants. The vowels are refined- they can be likened to Shiva and the consonants represent the outer form- Shakti. The “AU” is sung together as “O” and the “M” actually has a dot over it called an anuswara ( not to be confused with Anusara) which gives it a reflection of the previous sound- so “M’ sounds like “ng” and goes up through the palette to vibrate in your head. You do not actually close your mouth to make the “M” sound. Try it sometime…

He went on to say that the God you hold in your heart- no matter the name it is given, vibrates at OM- and so do we. Even the universe has a sound- the sound of radiation- a background hum to the universe. ( you can check out this link I found to John G Cramer– prof of physics at U of W.. Can you hear the OM in that?)

The Maha-mantra “Om namah shivaya” – has been chanted now for 1800 years- its vibration has been expanded by  the length of time it has been chanted. It takes form in the akashic space- “namah” we bow out of awe- we are uplifted not subordinated. “Shivaya” goodness, auspicious, sacred- that which is at the essence of all that awes you is benevolent. Every time we chant we expand the global mind and collective consciousness through it’s vibration. Part of our practice is to get so sensitive we can attune to that harmonic vibration- to the vibration of spirit. ” If you can attune to spirit it’s all there”- John Friend

John then introduced our first drawing lesson. The dot and the circle- the circle represents the absolute realm- no form, time, sound, or space. In Buddhism, they refer to the circle as the void- shunyata– but in Shiva/ Shakti tantra we see the void as purna– full- full of yet unstruck potential. The bindhu– the dot- then becomes the way in which the unmanifest becomes manifest- it is manifestation that comes out of the attributes of the circle; the attributes of the Absolute: Sat Chit Ananda Svatantrya Shri Purna Spanda.

SAT: “IS”ness , truth

CHIT: conciousness, awareness, self knowing, light that is self reflective

ANANDA: our soul is bliss, love, joy

SHRI: Goodness, only goodness, no concept of evil

SVATANTRYA: ultimately unbounded freedom

PURNA: fullness of creative potential

SPANDA: how the one becomes the many, pulsation and vibration as waves

Manifestation then follows a deep order and organization ( krama)  from this seemly empty place- because really it is not empty. “ In what appears to be empty is spirit- not a vacuum or a void. There is nothing that is no thing”- John Friend

The week, John explained, was about cultivating direct knowing through practice- the direct truth of experience. For us to understand the absolute we have to understand from the relative- because that is where we are. The absolute is beyond words- but words are all we have. We use numbers to express something that is infinite, we use sequence to describe what is not linear and time to describe that which is beyond time. In my words,  we are being described a strawberry without actually ever having tasted one. This week was about having a taste- an indescribable taste.

To get that first taste we have to go to the first principle: sensitivity. This is the first practice of attuning to spirit. Our sensitivity is directly related to one’s clarity. John likened it to rust on an antenna. I would go as far to say that our yoga practice then become the mechanism which cleans some of the rust off our antennas. This image of the antenna seemed to stay with me as John talked about the “highest opportunity to see the dancing delight of the universe”. We receive this clarity and then there is a transformation and finally a transmission back out. We start to create clarity in others. Everything during the week was in a process of relationship: receiving and transmitting in a relation to the energy of spirit.

The body than becomes a yantra- a condensation of spirit in form- made of vibration that all starts from that one bindu in the circle. The practice that day then became of one of co-participating with nature- seeing the patterns in our hands and feet that are slower, grosser vibrations of  the Absolute. We started with just the hand and seeing the order of the finger pads, the meta carpels, the 4 corners laying them out in krama ( deep order) while staying sensitive to the bigger energy. The flavour was much different then “do this in order because it is the order” it was do this as a way to be receptive to the bigger energy- to create the body into a pattern that contains the vibration of the highest consciousness. Dance with the divine in you- make sacred art. It was a very powerful and beautiful practice.

After our break- which I spent swimming far off into the ocean- we gathered for our afternoon session which I like to call art class- sacred geometry simplified. I wish I could produce nice drawings on my blog but all I have is my notebook which I copied for you to see. (Please don’t laugh at my spelling or poor drawing.) We drew two over lapping circles horizontally  which represents Shiva/Shakti. The part of the two circles that overlaps becomes an oval that can represent the yoni (shakti) or the lingham (shiva). By putting a bindu in the middle of both circles you can make a triangle in the top part of the oval. We then took the upward facing triangle ( shiva) and downward facing triangle ( shakti) . In the absolute realm shiva is still and shakti is active- as the two pass through the magical mirror of maya they become reversed and the upward facing triangle of shiva becomes action ( yang- masculine- fire) and the downward facing triangle of shakti becomes reflection ( yin- feminine- water). This was our introduction to the shri yantra which John would expound on through the rest of the week.

Day one notes

Day 2 started with John asking about our sankalpa– our intention. Our intention is based on the degree of our will ( iccha). One of the interesting things he brought up was that before intention comes our darshan– our viewpoint. For one of the first times,  John started to more heavily draw out the Buddhist philosophies and how they align with Shiva/Shakti tantra. He said that “ even though the Buddha had everything there was still a hole. That hole is God given- we do not feel full” this longing to feel full is what spurs us into action. In the Buddhist philosophy, they say ” sarvam dukam” – everything is suffering. John flipped this around to say in Anusara we say ” sarvam sukham” everything is flowing. These two terms “ sukha” and “dukha” we have come to know as ease and suffering but they actually come from the description of a wheel.  When a wheel turns true and causes no friction or wobbling  that wheel is said to be “sukha“.  “Dukha” is the wheel that is off. If the wheel wobbles and it bothers you that is suffering. The wobbly wheel will create heat from friction. So we chose our view- to see suffering or to see flow. Your view becomes your philosphy of life- the way you look at things is also your shradda ( faith).

Your view is important because it determines how you direct your mind- how you imprint the akashic field. Wherever you have directed the mind the most becomes like the deepest hole you have dug in the field of the akasha. This is where you will go during under stress. We can dig out so to speak- we can chose to change our view if it has not served us. You really are what you think. So this becomes your darshan. In Anusara, our darshan then becomes the first line of the invocation “ Om Namah shivaya” I see the good. What is your darshan? It’s a great consideration. I ended up teaching a whole class on “is your glass half empty or half full?- how do you see the world?”. The responses I received from students were interesting and brought out a lot of deep questions and stories after class.

During the practice John talked more about the invocation and specifically about the meaning of words in the lines.  For example,  “satchidananda murtaye“: “murtaye” is from the root ” murti” meaning form. (Some of you may be familiar with statues of Hindu gods being called “murtis”). Therefore  Truth, Consciousness and Bliss take form. The form is an imprint of the formlessness, an imprint of the Absolute. Because we also contain these qualities,  we can take the form of the bliss of consciousness.

At the level of the Absolute there is no relationship. Relationship has the connotation of the relative world- the world where we live our lives. The  word “ratio” is a term we use to describe the relationship between two numbers or measures. Form is constructed in nature through ratios. For example the ratio between your hand and your forearm is  1.618- this is known as the Golden Ratio. So the line ” nishprapanchaya” – is saying that all 5 elements ( pancha) are held together in relationship. The form can arrange itself in relationship there is intelligence to the manifestation of form. “Niralambaya” , John said, was relationship held in partnership but it doesn’t need the support to exist but chooses relationship to enjoy life more. “Tejase“, the light or luminosity, then allows us to see that all relationship has deep order- we become “enlightened”.

We traced our hands and then drew the five elements with their glyphs down on paper.

Thumb= space – it is represent by a dot- a bindu

Index=  air- represented by a circle

Middle= fire- represented by an upward facing triangle

Ring= water- represented by a downward triangle

pinky= earth- represented by a square

The foot works exactly in the same way. You can have fun playing with your feet and hands in poses and seeing which part lifts up – which part fidgets- how it feels if you change an ” element”. The body is a fractal or hologram for the whole web and the hands and feet, even the ear, then are microcosm of the whole. This is one of the reasons why acupuncture or reflexology in a foot or ear can affect some deeper part of the body.


We had a beautiful evening concert that second night and suddenly my girlfriend Jean bumped me and pointed up- there in the dark night around  the luminous moon was a circle. We had the circle and the bindu…just like John had been teaching. It was one of those crazy things that happens around trainings – you literally start seeing exactly what you have been learning- everywhere!

Day three started with a clarification of the Shiva/ Shakti tantra that informs Anusara yoga. John explained he used the tantric system because it really had the best explanation to the questions of life: ie. If God is good why do bad things happen? If the Absolute is completely free why would it chose to bind itself? The energy is so free that s can choose to create an energetic appearance of being limited. It can bind part of itself but does it without ever reducing or taking away from itself. It is never reduced or disturbed as it creates a world of limitation. Out of freedom and delight it can play a game with itself: it can express itself artistically. Why do children play? It is not for outcome or conditions- it is for the fun of it. The absolute does the same and we call that play lila. The Supreme literally plays hide and seek with itself.

When we have the relationship of hide and seek, love and loss, we have revelations about ourselves. Accomplishing what you thought you could not do- that is revelation as well. The Supreme cloaks itself like a magician to create abuta– astonishment and wonder- the child that squeals with delight as you pull your hands away to reveal again what they thought was gone. The very dark times in our life can often hold the most revelation- look back at your experiences and I am sure you will find one like that.

One of the coolest things John talked about was the story of the caterpillar. There is an actual stage in the chrysalis where the caterpillar complete liquefies and reforms to the butterfly. I had to go look this up because it so captured my imagination ( here is great link). He explained that there is a point in the cycle where we can become something else- we can recreate ourselves. Concealment and revelation are happening in unison, sometimes it takes a while to see that. There is always a cycle of creation, highest refinement and dissolving happening- in our own bodies, in nature, in our experiences.

In Anusara, we use the three Goddesses: Saraswati, Lakshimi and Kali to explain this cycle. Saraswati is the beginning of the cycle and is represented by the colour white. Lakshimi is the height of the cycle and is represented by the colour red and Kali is the end of the cycle- the dissolving- and is represented by the colour black. Saraswati’s name has the root “sara” in it- to flow ( as in Anu”sara”) and her color of white represents purity and you will often see her holding a stringed instrument called a vina. She represents the beginning of the wave pattern a climb that brings with it the beginning of language and fundamental music. There is an innocence and purity at the beginning of the cycle. Lakshimi represents the fullness of the cycle- fullness of power, fertility, creativity. She takes the developments of the first cycle- ie. the alphabet and basic music- into greater complexity and refinement- the highest artistic beauty at the crest of the wave. Kali is the downward pulsation of the wave- the devourer of time- that which takes back in all the creative power to wait to start to create again. Within each of these cycles is smaller cycles- all parts of the cycle have a purpose and can be an entry point into the center- into the bindu.

That afternoon was a wonderful potpourri of information which I think I was too absorbed in to write proper notes or it could have been distraction as it was the day that my friend fell out of a tree in the mango grove right before lecture and dislocated his shoulder. It was a bit of a crazy start to the afternoon- I think John would agree. One of the notes I did make at the beginning that really sat with me was “We live this life to wake up“. I talked with my husband about his at some length after I returned and mused how much simpler life was in some ways “before I woke up”. Now I am not saying life was better, in fact I think it is supremely better now, but there is a level of responsibility that happens when you wake up- we don’t get to stick our head under the covers anymore and cry ignorance. It can be rather upsetting when you look around your life and the light of consciousness shines on some things you would rather not deal with- and now you HAVE to deal with them. I will leave it at that for this blog but I may go a little deeper in that vein on a future date.

John spoke of shri and defined it as the sacred, divine, auspicious- the highest goodness; that which we consider to be sacred. He explained that is why when we see something beautiful we immediately become reverent- the highest level of beauty reminds us we are all divine. We also touched on a touchy subject for some- beauty or auspiciousness that has been stolen by that which is malevolent. Specifically we spoke of the swastika. That yantra which is so auspicious in India that people draw it on their door steps to ward off evil and bring in luck , and yet,  when we see it,  we feel revulsion and sorrow for the hate it contained for only a few short years. Just think- a symbol that represented good for 1000’s of years was completely corrupted in 12 years. Can it ever be recovered or is the samskara so deep in the akashic field that it is beyond reclamation?

From there we talked about the fact that we wake up in relationship. At the relative level the highest purpose of relationship is love. Love ( prema) then is the relative slow vibratory form of bliss (ananda). So relationships are mixing of energy fields. We spoke a little on what then are the key elements for your highest relationship- your highest beloved. The first element is trust-similar vision- how you see the world. The second element was compatibility of mind- ability to communicate- emotionally and intellectually. The third was polar energy- yin and yang. All of us have both energies in us- it is not male and female in gender but in energy.

Day four morning was a meditation on the bij sounds of the chakras. We started out by talking about the view of maya in Tantra vs Vendanta. You will often hear maya refered to as “illusion” but in Tantra we call it the “magical mirror” where the absolute reverses itself as it passes through. You can use this idea to think that as the universe breathes out we take our first breath; and as we expel our last exhale the universe inhales and takes us home. As above so below- the universe is breathing and therefore we breathe. Tantra also looks at incarnation as a gift- it’s not like you screwed up and now you are back. John recommended we become a connoisseur of life~ we get better and better and then we come back and we enjoy it even more: this is the Tantric perspective.  This perspective is our darshan– we keep it fresh, we question, we experience. We then made the chanting of the bij sounds of the chakras like a science experiment inside each of us; letting the auspiciousness of the vibration open us up. We would receive the divine in the form of the inhale to manifest it into that particular chakra and let it vibrate. We went up the chakras 2 or 3 times- focusing on the elements and color of the chakra as we did it. I liked the idea of bringing the divine in through the form of the breath- it gave a meditation I had done previously a whole new perspective.

Practice that day was amazing- back bending heaven I seem to recall. The talk was fascinating to me as we covered so much material and some really new stuff. John said basically he was getting ready to set the foundation for his tour next year  including Egypt and a broadcast from the Mayan pyramids. John will be in Tulum when the Mayan calendar ends. I am not going to get into what that means or the significance but just to let you know in case you want to join the merry band. John talked numbers and base systems to start with. For example the number 108 which is an auspicious number is made up of 12- the number of the universal and also the guru- and the number 9- the number of the individual and also the top number in our base 10 numbering system. The number 12 is actually from the base 60 system- 60 minutes in an hour, 360 degrees, 12 hours in a day. The base 12 system was used by the Egyptians and Babalonians. The Mayans used a base 20 system- and it is this system that the Mayan pyramids were built on. I am sure there will be more interesting lectures on this as the year goes by. Might be worth some self research if you are going to study with John this year.

John also discussed the periodic table as being a chart of sound or vibration. The columns of the table just are more refined vibrations as they move down the chart. It’s incredible that I never even thought of that approach to the chart…makes me think I could have been a much better science student if John Friend was my teacher! So even though they discover new elements- the chart dosen’t get more columns.  The size of the atom decreases from left to right, and increases from top to bottom: and atoms are vibrations. If this is confusing think of the Tantra tattva chart and it might become a little clearer. The conversation veered into GMO’s and modification of food and what that does to the vibration and what it does to us as we ingest it- makes you think a little more about having a fake sugar in your coffee. Your body recognizes the vibration of sugar from a plant…might not be great for you but at least it is natural. Messing with our food is literally messing us up- from the inside out. Another thing that we can’t hide under the covers from ….

The last chart we copied down before practice was the astrological chart. I read my horoscope occasionally but I have no deep knowledge of the astrological calendar. The chart of years moves in reverse order to the monthly one we follow for people’s birth month. Each age last 720 years. We are currently in the Age of Pisces (though at some level this is heavily debated) and moving into the Age of Aquarius. The two previous ages were Aries and Taurus. If you look at the glyphs for these ages there is some interesting notes for the history buff. The Age of Taurus, with its bull glyph,  is known to be an age where the worship of bulls was common in Assryia, Egypt and Crete.  Aries, represented by the ram, was a time in history where various gods rose with the name contain that sound: Rama, Bhrama , Ra, Abraham etc. and the sacrifice of sheep replaced that of bulls. The Age of Pisces marks the rise of Christianity and the glyph of the fish- still seen on countless bumper stickers across North America. The Age of Aquarius  is marked by a glyph of two waves- which may represent not just water but is speculated to represent vibration, electronics,( wifi?) etc. Perhaps the age of Aquarius being harkened in as an age of awakening, is that we will be able to use technology to create freedom. Though I do have to say I feel like a slave to my computer a little too often….

The afternoon in the mango grove was calmer that day and John spoke of many of the teachers such as Babamuktananda and Maharaji and their shakti and some crazy stories of things they could do. He said that pictures of your teachers then are yantras that are passing the shakti of that person. The form then holds the vibration- holds the shakti. There is a great little picture we have of Maharji with his hand held up and we have always found it mesmerizing. It’s like it contains some special message that we have not yet figured out- a yantra we have not yet deciphered. John talked about never showing the souls of your feet towards your guru. We all started nervously tucking our feet under ourselves and John laughed and said God is everywhere- so don’t worry about your feet around him.  He said that spirit and blessings are also in the feet. He told the story of Muktananda getting completely recalibrated one night walking home with the gift of his guru’s shawl-wrapped sandals on his head. One mile with his guru’s shakti sandals changed his life!

Anywhere we create a place to worship , prana will accumulate in that area. If we worship at certain hours, then prana will circulate more in that specific time- we create a momentum so to speak- a swirling around a bindu. This harnessing of energy can be used as a practice. John suggested we journal our mind for the last hour at night. By using mantra to anchor ourselves we can be in a beautiful space even in intensity. We can then cultivate what we think as we dissolve this cycle of the day. The energy of that last cycle is what we carry into the next. If we carry momentum and our anchored in our darshan, we are less likely to get knocked off balance. Something to consider if you watch TV before falling asleep every night.

Shri yantra and sacred geometry notes

We spent that afternoon learning to draw the shri yantra– really- it was hilarious.  We were breaking into fits of laughter as we tried in desperation to follow John’s drawing- some of our renditions were so bad! I was sitting right up front and I still messed up. I have since bought myself a yantra colouring book- maybe that will help…. The book that John was using to draw from I also bought and recommend for further study Yantra: The cosmic Symbol of Tantric Unity by Madhu Khanna. The shri yantra itself is a pictographic vibratory diagram of the tattva chart- it represents how shiva/shakti bring everything into creation. The upward and downward triangles represent these two energies. I am still reading right now and have a very raw understanding of it so I will not continue but I find the book very useful.

Day 5 started as guru vs guru principle. For the guru principle is present at anytime and any place- we can learn to access it wherever and whenever through skilled means. John explained that serendipity is not raw luck. It is the revelatory power of the shakti at work. I see this more and more in my own life and I can see that really nothing is random- it is all the actions of the shakti. My favorite phrase when things go a little haywire is ” the shakti is messing with me” and rather than freak out I look to see what it is I am supposed to be awake to in that moment. It is a much calmer way to react to life’s obstacles.

Shakti has a frequency that is infinite. It can be felt as low energy or high energy in a space that we can get recalibrated to: it can change our mood. I am sure you have had experiences like that. When we hear the truth, when we see beauty we are momentarily shifted by that vibration- we have an experience beyond mind- it is intuitive. It may only be a second or two but that’s all you need for a revelation. Our practice is about learning to be skillful in holding that resonance- extending it. So through the dharma- in alignment with Grace- the guru principle reveals you. That which opens the curtains and brings in the light- a person, an object, an experience can be the guru. Once we have had moments of the curtains opening, and become more skilled at holding the vibration, then everyday becomes a moment of shri. We become shifted at some level. Everyone is different. We could all be watching the same sunset, but one person will have an unbelievable experience. We often look outside ourselves to seek these moments, but it is always there inside of us and there are practices to connect you with that guru principle.

For example, John spoke of the fact that the shakti is not air but in the air. So when we do ujayi pranayama we set up a resonance with the shakti. We try to hold that resonance we find and use it to ride the waves of doubt and fear,anger and sadness. The waves are all from the same source. You can literally ride the wave of anger straight back to the bindu of love. This is a very Tantric way of thinking- anything can be a gateway. Anything can be a gateway because the shakti is in everything: and shakti is always full of Grace.

We then did pranayama and traced the breath back to the bindu and waited and served the shakti in the air. You don’t grab or push- you just open to it and it comes in. We worked with a few pranayamas including nadi shodana. John explained that there are 5 nadis in each nostril, which relates to the five elements, and one can actually get good enough to affect and manipulate the different elements thorough their pranayama practice. The energy in us changes every 2- 2.5 hours so you can use this understanding to align and calibrate yourself with what time it is. We can garner energy or slow ourselves down as long as we know the bigger energy. Day 5 was the top of the cycle- the accumulation of 5 days of shakti- the purnahuti. There was extra magic available that day- a high resonance we could calibrate with. You could chose to shift right there- I like to think of it as “make a wish day”….. what is your highest desire?

Someone asked a question about people in dreams and John discussed how people are doorways to the energy- the shakti. So if you dream of someone it may not be that person specifically that you are engaging with but the energy that form takes. The forms will change but the shakti comes to us at our level of understanding- even in our subconscious. May be interesting to journal who comes up on your dreams and what the energy of that person means to you. I dream of my dad a lot when I have questions- his energy was one of love and stability- he calms me down, makes me feel brave. I feel empowered after I dream of him. Ram Dass often speaks of his teacher, Maharaji ( Neem Karoli Baba) being a gateway so I understood this from my talks with him. Don’t get lost in the form- get lost in the energy behind the form.

Day 5 practice was in relationship to the guru principle. There is a leader and a follower- a dancing couple. But the dance does not begin with the leader; it begins with the follower- the student. The student has to ask the question first. Both the student and the teacher contain the guru principle- there is nothing subordinate in the relationship- both have Grace. We call these terms ” chalikripa” the Grace of the student and  “Gurukripa” the Grace of the teacher. The teacher will only help you once you ask- this is dharmic. The teacher will not answer what has not been asked. The guru appears when the student is ready- when the students adikara( studentship) is high enough to have the ability to hear and see the guru. The student must always stay open and questioning for the path is not straight- it is a dance. We form a question and then we are just open and we listen- we wait for the shakti to dance with us.

All of us can dance with the divine- we just need to practice coming back into ourselves- realize the preciousness of the moment. We humble ourselves without putting ourselves down and we look to our strengths and our shadows. We all have talents and tendencies- we all have a heritage of blood and DNA. All these things come together to makes us our unique selves- to make our dance unique. The shakti wants to dance with all of us because of that uniqueness. To stay dancing with the shakti we keep going to our strengths and stop feeding the shadows- sounds simple but it is a lifetime of practice. Every moment of every day is a choice- every moment is a gateway to the heart- can we truly learn to live that way? You can if that is your vision.

Day 5 ended with a guest- Dr. Jacob Liberman. He is an optometrist who now researches light and how it affects us. His story is that during a meditation he had a profound experience of seeing the air between things and a sparkling of something in the space between things. When he came out of meditation his eyesight- which had needed corrective lenses- was vastly improved. He could read things see things he hadn’t before without glasses. The crazy thing his when he hooked himself up to the machine in his office it said his eyesight was unchanged!It led him to question what is it to see and what is seeing?

The eye doesn’t move- it only responds. For example we say ” it caught my eye”. The eye responds to light but no one has ever seen light. It is formless, it has no attributes and no mass. It is the biggest mystery of science. In religion though we have phrases such as ” God is light” – so what is it about light? Why is it so important?

We absorb 2%  of light through our skin and 98% through our eyes. 75% of that light goes from the retina to the hypothalamus and then to the pineal gland which is our biological clock so to speak. Before artificial light we were all entrained ( guru principle ?) with nature by light. Think about rising with the sun and going to bed with it- what a novel idea in our current times.  We all need a certain amount of light to be healthy- in fact studies have shown that populations in northern countries with less sunlight have a higher incidence of multiple sclerosis. Light is necessary for our body to work in harmony with nature.

We also need the dark. Dr. Liberman spoke of how light at night during the time we sleep can affect us by affecting the pineal gland which affects melatonin. Things such as “light pollution” in big cities, night lights or bathroom lights left on at night in our home- can actual affect our patterns of sleep. The pineal is the regulator of all the rest of the regulators of the body- the endocrine system. He took us through an interesting mediation he called the train journey. Seeing which color stations( by the chakra color) we felt like we wanted to get off and visit and which color station we just wanted to go past.  ( I just wanted to hang out in the green station all day)It is based on chromotherapy which is use of color to determine how to better balance your energy. Color is determined by light and the vibration of that light- we don’t see the colours but visualize them and yet there is a perception inside of us interacting with that vibration.

He went on to say that life is looking for us- it is calling to us and we actually have to work to NOT hear it. His experience with light and his sight opened him up to a whole new revelation in thinking. Though a doctor and a student of science, he is also a mystic. Taking time to see that little simple things are really so profound.  “Consider that every instance is a miracle” – Jacob Liberman . Interacting with awareness is a qualitative different experience than thinking. We stop using our thinking and then we see- we see that life has been looking for us, inspiring us, breathing us. Imagine meditating not just once a day but through every minute of every day. What would that be like? I have to say he was a very cool guy. ” There is nothing like direct experience- we confuse the menu for the food”- Jacob Liberman

It was a beautiful way to end a five-day retreat. Five days of exploration, study, practice, absorption- all used in a way that created a deep resonance inside all of us. What we carried away in each of us that week was more than just knowledge- we carried at the cellular level a shift in who we are and how we are in the world. We didn’t just read the menu- we ate the food- and it was delicious. But don’t take my word for it- practice and taste it for yourself…... om

 

Be Here Now 40th Anniversary- Part Two October 18, 2010

” I am loving awareness” – Ram Dass

Day Two of the weekend workshop started with John Friend talking about the significance of numbers, rhythm, patterns and how they are all connected. I was scribbling down notes as fast as I could but to be honest as I try to read them back they are hard to decipher. You see my linguistic tendencies also came out of a need to avoid all algebra and stats classes….Japanese no problem…numbers……hmmm not so good….

I will try to find the highlights that were new to me and that don’t need deep mathematical understanding…

Today was 10/10/ 10. John took the number ten and explained as two 5’s. The flower of Shakti or the goddess’ is the red hibiscus..it has 5 petals. In the vibratory world, the highest vibration is white ( Shiva) and the slowest is red ( Shakti). I have no idea what flower is Shiva’s! So basically the number 5 is the number of life.

The idea was first there is 2, for example Sun and Moon. The energy between these contrary compliments is 3. The number 4 represents the stability that holds them in relation and 5 is the spiral….is the activation of the expansion and contraction of the relationship.

The number 10 is a 1 and 0. It is the creation of the binary rhythm of all life. There was something in there about the binary system creating wave patterns and that things like crystal and silica can resonate these wave patterns and that is why they are used in computers. The 0 also represents in Sanskrit “shunyata” – the void. But that which appears to be empty is completely full. The 1 then represents the sperm and the 0 the egg and from that all creation is born. Something to look up and research yourself when you are surfing the net.

We had a super juicy hip opener practice in which my leg was behind my head and I rolled down and back up but was too scared to stand up- that was pretty far for me already!  That may have been one of the deepest I have ever been in that pose. It also helps we warmed up for an hour towards it!

Ram Dass came back in the afternoon for satsang. Today he told the story of the Hanuman murti ( holy statue) that is currently housed in Taos, New Mexico. Maharaji’s devotee’s would build temples for him all over India. So Ram dass decided as a devotee that they should build a temple in America. The temple would need a murti so he went to Jaipur to the families that been making murtis for generations and found the family that specialized in Hanuman. Now usually Hanuman murtis are with Hanuman kneeling or Hanuman standing.  Ram Dass, recalling the story of Hanuman flying across the ocean to Lanka in the Ramayana carrying Ram’s ring to Sita, decided, since America was across the ocean, the murti should be of a flying Hanuman. Well, the family just looked at Ram Dass in astonishment. No one had ever made a flying Hanuman- how would he stay up? No, they didn’t want to do it.

I am not sure how Ram Dass persuaded them but somehow they agreed to make a marble Hanuman and created a large cape for him to hide the post which supports him in his flying pose. Hanuman then travelled from India to San Francisco where the devotees debated where he should be housed. One of the devotee’s had a farm near Taos so that is where Hanuman came to rest. That location, over the next few years, developed into what is today the Neem Karoli Baba Ashram in Taos, New Mexico.

One of the funny asides that Ram Dass told us is that to bless the murti- to breathe life into it- there must be a ceremony. He laughed as he told us their were two factions: one that  wanted Brahmans and a proper Hindu ceremony and the the others that were stoned and just wanted to climb naked into the crate with Hanuman. I never did find out which faction won out…..

Ram Dass then gave us all a great insight to his personal practice- his “sadana”. He explained he was a Bhakti yogi-a yogi who finds oneness through the path of devotion- and he said ” sadana, in my game- is who you think you are..and who you think you are is mostly based on fear- identifying with the individual “I”.”

He explained this further by saying he thought he was Dr. Richard Albert, he was a Harvard prof, he was a Freudian, he was a ..etc etc…all the titles and labels the individual “I” wants to hold on to. He said the real “I”  is not in the mind but in the heart and in the heart you are awareness.  ” I am loving awareness” – he whispered.” I am loving awareness”.

“You will never find your awareness”, he said,  “you ARE awareness”. “You stay there in your heart”, he explained, “and you stop identifying with all the thoughts.”

“I am loving awareness” is a thought but it is a thought that takes you to a subject not an object. You can’t focus on it because it is no thing, nothing…..it’s cool”.

” Everything I am aware of I love”, Ram Dass said. He talked about loving the wall, loving the room – it was quite funny. He then told a story about how one of his friends called him on it. It went something like this.

“So are you telling me, Ram Dass, that you love everything?”

” Yes”

“You love me?”

“Yes”

“You love that rug?”

“Yes- I love the rug”

“Hmm…”

His friend used to phone him and say, “This is your rug calling….” I just about rolled over laughing!

Ram Dass told us when he is looking at the world from his soul he finds the world beautiful and lovable. When you love the whole world, including yourself, you merge into a sea of love. There is no action, he explained, love isn’t action, it’s just merging. You don’t have to act. He then took a moment and looked around the room and smiled, ” this room is full of love”.

He then went back to the previous days talk of “being” and “doing”. He explained the difference between the Atman and the Jiva-atman- the One and the embodied soul. Maharaji was the Atman, on that plane, and Ram Dass was the jiva-atman. Seeing Oneness and being Oneness is a difference of spiritual planes of existence, he explained, and it takes Grace to get over that hump. He said that was interesting because people say they feel so loved when I am with him but he didn’t do anything. Wow- he thought- Grace is here- I got some of that. You get pure enough, he said, and then you wait for Grace.

John had a beautiful offering when he said that Ramakrishna had a saying about preparing your boat the best you can and then waiting for the winds of Grace. ” The waves will take you to the shore” John said quoting Rumi.

Feeling small, Ram Dass said, is a thought. Insecurity is a thought. Atman is so big- I am so small. The ego tells you that you cannot be him ( Maharaji). It’s still a thought- it’s who you think you are. You gotta be somebody before you’re nobody……

We seem, to me, that we have to shed the layers all over again to get back to that one original Atman…and  that is a part of the game- the sadana as Ram Dass put it- that we all have.

We then had a Q and A session with some interesting stuff coming up. We had the typical psychedelic questions- every time I am with Ram Dass this comes up- and he was good natured about it. He really nailed it when someone asked about getting to that plane of the Atman through drugs and Ram Dass said- ” it get’s you into the room but you can’t stay. All those guys [that took psychedelics] were nothing like Maharaji. He could stay in the room.” I then asked about Maharaji’s lineage as many teachers came from lineages ( ie. Nityananda, Baba Muktananda, Gurumai…) Apparently Maharaji was from a village near Agra but his beginnings are not well known. He was actually married with three children which I found surprising. According to his children he was a very good father- made all the marriage arrangements for his daughters etc. Then we had the most shocking thing occur- John started asking Ram Dass about his family. Family?? I thought….

Well,  apparently a man in his 50’s contacted Ram Dass because he looked so much like him and guess what…it was Ram Dass’ biological son! They just found each other this spring and this man has children so Ram Dass is actually a grandfather. When John said “How wonderful!” Ram Dass looked at him and said ” Why is it wonderful?” It really was one of the first times I saw John kind of at a loss for a moment. Ram Dass was really just making a point that love goes beyond blood and genealogy and that in the heart it doesn’t really change anything. I think he does secretly find it wonderful though! Wow-  I really didn’t see my question going in that direction. Quite the unexpected revelation!

John asked Ram Dass if he wanted to leave the young teachers with a message and this is what he responded:

” God is within you. We have to go inside rather than outside…what you want is what you already have.”


 

January 2008 Workshop January 8, 2009

Learning to Fly

Anusara-Inspired YogaTM   Workshop

With Leanne Kitteridge

Kyoto Studio Yoggy 2008- Aki and I

Kyoto Studio Yoggy 2008- Aki and I

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come unlock your unlimited potential to soar with this fun and challenging arm balance workshop! Even if you have never arm balanced before, this workshop will teach you techniques to help you start to get off the ground. Best suited to those with a regular yoga practice but beginners are welcome as well.

 

Sunday January 25th 1-4

$50

 

Location: Live Yoga, White Rock

 

Contact www.liveyoga.ca to register

 

 

The Twelve Days of Yoga December 22, 2008

Filed under: Anusara,yoga — shibuiyoga @ 2:51 am
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I guess most of you that read my blog noticed the rather long time lapse between posts…oops. Let’s just say that the Christmas season has slightly taken over my life and that writing has fallen to the back burner. Luckily today I have found time to write. I thought my chaotic, seasonal dysfunctional life might make for a quick read and hopefully a good laugh…

On the first day of Christmas my guru brought to me…a neti pot

Now really what is it about that first winter cold that knocks you flat on your butt and doesn’t go away for almost 2 months? I have to say though that a neti pot really does help. I have yoga to thank for even knowing what one was. Don’t be afraid- try it. Just don’t talk to anyone in the middle of using it…warning.

On the second day of Christmas my guru brought to me…the Yamas.

The Yamas and the Niyamas are a set of 10 ethical and moral precepts. I decided to teach the Yamas for the last 5 weeks of yoga classes and then start the Niyamas in the New Year. I found it so interesting that every time I went to teach one it was exactly what I was struggling with that week. I also had to teach them from a more Anusara, therefore tantric, perspective which gave rise to some interesting research and thinking. I chose to interpret them as such:

Ahimsa: (non- violence) By loving ourselves and remembering our true nature we are naturally more inclined to love others. We do not obstruct the divine flow.

Satya: (truthfulness) Be truthful to who you are and where you are in your practice. Speak the truth to others in a way that doesn’t hurt them (the first Yama)

Asteya: (non- stealing) Be full in your experiences and let others be full in their experience. Do not rob yourself of the joy of new experiences- do not steal another’s pleasure by being jealous.  People often steal because they feel they are lacking so remember that the first principle in Anusara Yoga reminds of our fullness: purna.

Bramacharya: (celibacy) Yeah- mama. This was a fun one to teach…I went at it this way:  Have the conduct (charya) of God (Brama).  Do not let small things in life take you away from the bigger picture. God is all seeing, can you spread you awareness to encompass more than one thing? We should live our lives in moderation and consideration of all things. We should have integrity in our relationships.

Aparigraha: (non-coveting) Everything has a time and a place and we have to sometimes let things go when there time is over; both people and things. By letting the things that no longer serve us go we actually make space for something else. When we let go of something, or someone, or some idea, we have space in our lives for other things, experiences or ideas to enter.

On the third day of Christmas my guru gave to me… a mala.

Well, it wasn’t really a mala. It was actually 35 feet of tangled gold bead garland for the tree. After untangling the first 10 feet (and deciding to just cut the damn thing since it was already 11:00 at night! ) I instead decided to chant mantra. Every time I came to a knot I chanted, “Om namah shavaya” and so in this way, over the course of an hour, I meditated on a 35 foot mala.

On the fourth day of Christmas my guru gave to me…Hanuman.

I have been reading the Ramayana for the last few weeks when I have time and I plan to do a workshop on the Story of Hanuman in the New Year. It has been a light and fun version to read from Penguin Classics, so if a larger tomb has been frightening you off this one is very reader friendly. Perfect for teenagers…and very busy yogi moms.

On the fifth day of Christmas my guru gave to me…pincha mayurasana.

Yes- I stuck it without a wall in Japan last week…jet lag et al. It only lasted a few seconds but it is a start to the continual fear I have with falling out of that pose into a backbend. Practice, practice, practice.

On the sixth day of Christmas my guru gave to me…Lululemon.

A Lululemon decided to “pop-up” just up the street from me for the Christmas season. I attended a lovely little VIP party there and bought some new things and it was sad to think that it will be gone again January 15th. See? Aparigraha… adapt to change and be happy for what you did have while it lasted!

On the seventh day of Christmas my guru gave to me…new life.

I am pleased to announce that two of my best friends are pregnant and glowing with new life. Having decided that my child bearing is over, I feel this immense sense of both happiness and nostalgia. No one can really explain the joys and sorrows of parenthood to someone that has not been there. It is the most rewarding and yet difficult dharma one is ever given. I know they will be fantastic mothers.

On the eighth day of Christmas my guru gave to me…pranayama.

Breathe. Just breathe. That is what I was saying to myself on the 4th trip to Wal-Mart in 2 days for Christmas lights. My husband decided we needed a bigger tree this year. What I hadn’t calculated on that bigger tree means…well…. MORE. More room, more work, more lights, more ornaments. I under estimated the amount of lights twice and came home once with two broken boxes which sent me back to Wal-Mart at 10:30 at night. It’s 10:30 on a Sunday night- should be easy to get in get out, right? WRONG. It was packed! I had never seen it that busy except on a Saturday afternoon. Breathe, Leanne, breathe. 

On the ninth day of Christmas my guru gave to me…the Himalayas.

Ok- well snow…like in the Himalayas. This has to be the coldest winter that I can recall. The last time it was this cold for such a long period of time was 1971. I have no memory of 1971- I was 1. My girlfriend Lauren taught a practice which echoed the stillness of the snow the other morning- inspired by her walk to the studio through the white dusted neighborhoods with the mountains in the background. Perfect.

On the tenth day of Christmas my guru gave to me…dharma.

Ironically,as I am the one that, as my husband says “makes Christmas happen“, I will not be here for most of it. With all the layoffs of flight attendants, I will work from the 22 of December until January 1st almost non-stop. No, I will not book off: someone has to work it. I will have Christmas Eve night and early, early Christmas morning with my family and I am blessed to have that.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my guru gave to me…meditation.

I actually decided not to bake this year because it has been so crazy. I was ok with that and then when I was meditating after practice in Japan, I thought of my Dad’s shrine and how I put gingerbread there each year for him. It made me sad to not have that silly moose cookie there to share the season with him. So, I baked. I made the dough when I got home from my flight and made cookies the next day. It was actually very enjoyable because I just made one batch instead of the usual two or three and there was just enough for our family. Sometimes when I bake it is like meditation for me- especially icing all the fancy snowflakes- each one repeating until your hand just knows what to do. Things become easier and your mind slows- you can find yoga other places than just your mat sometimes.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my guru gave to me…yoga

Everyday, I am thankful for this practice. Everyday, through the practice of yoga, I learn to live life more fully, more aware, and with more gratitude. In this season of friends and family, I would like to wish all of you that share my love of yoga, Japan, and life, a very blessed and wonderful holiday.

Om shanti shanti shanti………Peace

 

Shakti Apple Pie September 30, 2008

Filed under: Anusara,teaching yoga,yoga — shibuiyoga @ 5:43 am
Tags: , , , ,

Today was one of the most glorious fall days in Vancouver. Unseasonally warm and bright, the fall colours seemed infused with a richness that made them seem to glow from the inside out. That is when I noticed my apple tree.

We originally had three dwarf apples but disease and failure to thrive whittled the grove down to one lone survivor. The lone tree remained skinny and sickly and when it tried to produce apples the weight of them would snap the thin branches. My father-in-law had the solution “Prune it.” he said, ” Prune it back very hard.” I kind of panicked. The tree looked lovely with its long narrow branches in the spring with it’s tiny green leaves but he was right- every time the apples started the branches couldn’t support the fruit of the tree. So out came the shears.

It was so sad. You prune the tree in winter when it is dormant and it look positively ugly when my father-in-law finished the task. Over half the branches were now gone and the ones that remained were half the size. I was sure the tree would die like the others.

But that tree produced it’s little green leaves that spring. Hope for the fall sprung from the flowers that began to appear between the leaves. The tree had survived and seemed to be thriving. Sure enough that fall we had the best apples that tree had produced in it’s lifetime. Larger and more vibrant in colour than it’s seasons predecessors- the apples weighed down the branches but not one branch snapped in their fall burden.

This year the apples are even more plentiful and their colour more glorious. I realized that my dwarf apple was a metaphor for muscular and organic energy. In yoga, when we apply muscular energy we pull from the periphery to the core – we actually shorten ourselves in a way- we make the branches shorter- and therefore stronger. Pruning the tree was a way to give the tree muscular energy- a way for it to pool it’s strength and create stronger limbs. In response the tree was free to produce organic energy in balance- big shiny apples on strong branches that could hold their weight.

We often love that freedom of being long and loose- we interpret that as being bendy and stretchy. This is however, why often more naturally flexible people tend to get injured in yoga more than stiffer muscular types. ( see-being stiffer can serve you! Isn’t that great?) Joints can be more easily stressed and it is hard to stay strong for these longer lanky “trees”. However drawing the muscles to the bones, the muscles to the midline of the body and from the periphery to the core , makes these more flexible students stable.

Hugging or drawing in like this is also a way to, on a more spiritual level, to know ourselves. My tree was better able to feed itself when pruned and produced better fruit. When we come into ourselves, we know ourselves better. We nurture and protect ourselves. When we are strong and integrated like this, we can then offer out more of ourselves- we can give those whose lives we touch better, sweeter  fruit.

I think when those apples are ready I am going to make one heck of an apple pie for my family.

 

Realizing the Preciousness of the Moment July 15, 2008

Have you stopped thinking for a moment and just been fully present? Not so much stop thinking- we can never really do that as far as I am concerned- but stop thinking about other stuff than what is currently in front of you?

We had the most beautiful weekend here in Vancouver and it was such a blessing because it was the Annual Vancouver Camp Moomba Yogathon and Blissfest– and last year it rained so hard that we were surfing on our mats rather than standing on them. This year was the complete opposite- it was sunny, hot, and there was a gorgeous ocean breeze. Thunderbird stadium’s grass field was dotted with colourful mats and people from all methods of yoga chatted and hugged in the brightness of the day. My daughter Madelyn was eagerly dragging me towards the children’s tent for face painting and kids yoga and I was delayed every step by an old friend, a student, a former teacher. Maddy was tugging on my arm and her voice was taking on the “Maaa-om, come on. LET”S GO!” lilt. I picked her up and said, “This is a special day- remember how it rained last year and it was cold- this year is beautiful and sunny. Let’s just stand here and look for a moment”.

We looked at how many colours of mats there were- we tried to count how many booths and tents were set up. We listened to the music on stage and rocked with it’s rythum. We felt the sun on our skin and we looked at the blueness of the sky. We smelled the ocean in the air. We listened to the voices and laughter around us.

I turned back to Maddy when we were done listening and watching and I asked her, ” How do you feel, Maddy?”

“Hmm, happy?” she replied. ”

“Good.” I said. “Remember how happy you are now and what everything looked and smelled like.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because this moment is special. This day is special. There will never be another one like it. You will never be the same little girl you are right now. You and mommy are doing something special- just us- I want you to remember it.”

“oh..” was her reply.

I guess at age 4 almost 5 you maybe already live fully in the moment and don’t need to be reminded. I mean really – my kids can remember details of things and days that I have completely forgotten. Maybe too I am seeing life speed past at an alarming rate. When you are young we can’t wait to get older- when we are older we just want life to slow down. I look at my children and I see the passage of time. I have pictures of Madelyn from three yogathons now: age 2, 3 and 4. She has grown into this long-legged, blond, whirling dervish who steals the show. I know she is my own daughter , but she really is a sight to behold. I watched her concentrate in kids yoga and then look over to me to check to see if she was doing it right. I would give her a thumbs up and her whole face would beam in pleasure. She was having a day full of bliss and I was just as happy to watch her experience it.

I looked at her hair against the sunlight, the hint of freckles on her nose, the way her new hairband matched the gold in her eyes. I hugged her against me tight when she was done and smelled her hair and felt her sun warmed skin. For a moment my throat filled with a lump and I thought of all the times that I was too busy doing this or that to read her a story or sit and play tea party with her. How many moments have I let slip away? Maybe I can’t hold on to all of them but I can be fully present for this one.

We spent the whole day playing and visiting and finally it was time for the main yogathon- 108 minutes of all types of yoga- laughter, yin, vinyasa, sivananda, iyengar, anusara, yoga nidra- just to name a few. Exhausted, over heated  and slightly bored- Maddy wiggled around on her mat and did a pose and then collapsed and sighed- then started to whine she is thirsty- then needs to go pee. I look at her and rather than get frustrated I just help her become more comfortable- get her some water- take her to the bathroom and try to encourage rather than scold. I am rewarded at the end when she climbs into my lap to meditate. She closes her eyes,crosses her legs and takes a very delicate chin mudra. I feel her breath, her warmth, I feel the sun on my face and the love of my community all around us and I thank yoga for showing me the preciousness of the moment.